Moving through my life one repetition at a time.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

A Humbled Reflection on Sharing My Blog

It's been almost one week since sharing my blog. I would have to assume most who were going to read the blog have read it by now. And “wow” is the word that comes to mind when I think about all the support I’ve gotten after posting my story. I am truly humbled by the amount of people who have read it and been brave enough to send their love and support over a tough subject for many to think about let alone talk about.  Although, I know not everyone will agree with my decision I do believe that sharing my story has really helped my husband and I heal tremendously even in the few short days since I have posted the blog to social media. Never did I imagine so many people would actually click that link and then actually read the posts. I'd like to THANK every single one of you who have taken any amount of time out of your busy lives to read anything on my blog. 

Moving forward I plan to continue to post about life and the journey we have moving forward in our healing process. Hopefully, I have some more positive stories to share in the future. In fact, I know I will because my husband and I have been keeping positive thoughts for the future and we have continued to fill our life laughter, love, and fun times. 



My favorite Disney movie happens to also have my favorite quote to live by, 
"Keep Moving Forward."


Thursday, June 18, 2015

Prelude

Since this is the post that will be at the top of the blog once I post this to the social media world I wanted to give some brief words about why I wrote this and why I posted this....

I'm not posting to have people feel sorry for us. I'm not posting to receive attention. I'm not posting to call attention to any person or persons. I'm not posting to start a debate on my opinions vs. your opinions on my choices.  I'm not posting in the intent that hundreds or even one person even reads this blog.

I am posting to tell my story. I'm posting to get this big secret off my chest. I'm posting to allow myself to heal. I'm posting in hopes that someone will read it who has faced this situation and realize that they are not alone.

My only goal is to tell my story and allow myself to have an outlet to help myself heal and keep moving forward. If you feel compelled please join me in reading about my journey through life one rep at a time......


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Don't Try to Compare Loss

After the procedure I had no regrets but I did feel alone in my experience. Don't get me wrong I knew of several friends who had lost babies due to miscarriage but my situation was different. It wasn't a spontaneous loss of the baby. I didn't feel comforted by people who said they've been in my shoes. I highly doubt they have been. I didn't enjoy comments that told me miscarriage happens 1 in 5 pregnancies. It hurt when people would ask if I forgot to take my pre-natal vitamins. It killed my soul when someone would say maybe it had to do with what kind of workout activities I was doing although if they knew anything we went through to get pregnant they would have known I've been very restricted.

It became very apparent either people had experienced loss and I respected that and glad they were trying to be comforting or they had no idea and would immediately insert mouth into foot with an ignorant comment. Luckily I had a thick skin and a good friend who had told me as soon as everything started to happen that she apologized for the ignorant comments people would say to me. 


Now don't get my wrong I appreciated every single thoughts, prayer, note, card, text, and flower that was sent to me. They were all meant well and I know no one was meaning to be hurtful but sometimes things people said were not helpful. I just was struggling to really connect to anyone else who has walked in my shoes. I just wanted someone to eventually open up and say I've suffered loss but in a little different way similar to my situation. 

In attempt to not feel alone I started searching around on the Internet for articles, books, blogs, etc. that would help. Here are some of the resources I found that made me realize I wasn't alone in receiving some hurtful comments and advice but this also helped me realize I had to come clean and tell the whole story. 

Articles:
There Is A Story Behind Every Loss

I am the face of a Heartbreaking Choice

My Abortion at 23 weeks

Book:
Our Heartbreaking Choices

In conclusion, a piece of advice to myself and anyone else who has a co-worker, family member, friend, etc. experience loss. Don't try to say something that might make them feel better. Just say I'm sorry for your loss. Ask them if you can do anything. Ask them if they want to talk. I unfortunately experienced this first hand on the other side as a friend of a bereaved parent almost a year ago when one of my best friends lost their son. I didn't know what to say or do but I knew the last thing I wanted to do was accidentally offend them in some way shape or form. I quickly realized these items were off the list of things to say:

Six Things Never to Say to a Bereaved Parent




Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Coming Out about our TFMR

Unfortunately, we realized over the past year based on events that have happened to friends that life is not fair. It's hard to think that things don't happen for a reason especially since that is what everyone always says.  But no one is immune to suffering and asking why won't change the situation. Knowing why won't change it, however, you can change and choose to find the message in it all. We couldn't change the cards we were dealt but we did have the choice to make our decision moving forward. Beyond deciding to terminate our pregnancy we have decided to share our story and experience. Talking about any type of pregnancy loss or struggle to get pregnant is taboo to speak of in our society and through abortion into the mix and you might get into a heated discussion but it happens this is life. We figured we'd rather have love and support from friends and family then them left wondering and filling in the blanks themselves. So this is our story. My husband and I have come along way through the first year of our marriage. We've experienced things we hope no one else will have to go through. We became part of the one million people who have an abortion each year. We added to the statistic that states 1 in 10 abortions are made for medical 
reasons. And now we've become some of the few people have decided not to be silent. We don't need people to agree with us or debate with us as to why they think we were wrong. It was a decision that was for us to make as a couple. We do hope people will have a new realization that things aren't always as they seem. We hope people will express compassion to everyone they know and not be to quick to judge others. Do not think you know what you would do in someone else's situation until you are faced with it. Be a better friend and help them if they are in need. Let them know you are thinking about them.