Am I a hypocrite?

Ever since Mark Zuckerberg and countless other friends and celebrities have announced their struggle with miscarriages, pregnancy loss, and infertility I've felt empowered that I shared my story. I didn't announce I was expecting until I was 14 weeks. And I was one of those naive women who thought to myself "I made it to 12 weeks - I'm in the clear now! I can't wait to tell my family and friends." Never did I imagine that what would happen the follow week would a a harsh reality that I would be faced with.  After all I thought it was a simple blood test.

At the time I wasn't sure if I would share the truth about everything my husband and I went through that fateful week in May. But after some time went on we realized after several conversations we couldn't continue on living a lie. We had to be truthful and shed light on the tough decision we made for ourselves but also in the hope that others who might be faced with the same decision that they are not alone.

At the time I was very confident in sharing my story. Both of us received so much support from family and friends that helped us get through that tough time. In hindsight had I not shared that I was expecting, I doubt I would have had the love and support from so many people nor do I think I would have been as willing to share my story so openly. So although some have said to me, "It's too bad you just announced a week or so earlier." I am glad we did. Our little girl was sent lots of love although it wasn't in the human touch form.

Now as I am moving beyond the past and healing more everyday, I wonder to myself will I be as willing to share that we are expecting again. Do I want to be caught again "with my pants down" in the event that something happens again? Would I rather only have a few people know in that event or would I rather once again have my entire social network know and once again shower us with love and support? Will I offend someone who is also struggling with infertility and is jealous we were able to get pregnant again and they are still working on getting that second pink line for the first time?These questions cross my mind daily.

Of course, then I come across articles like this that make me want to cheer these women on. But here I am pondering whether I'll announce at all let alone at 12 weeks or sooner. Am I a hypocrite or what? Right now the jury is still out what I'll do if/when I am blessed with another pregnancy.

Second Opinion

After the experience at the first RE office I was open to looking into different doctors and their opinions about treatment for my condition. I luckily was able to find a doctor who a friend has used and been successful with twice. This doctor came highly recommended and also known as one of the best RE doctors in the city. I was able to get in for a consultation pretty quickly and was very interested in learning what he had to say.

My first meeting with this doctor was great. He was very honest and was straight to the point. He said yes, you do indeed have HA and explained that there was really only one pathway for me to get pregnant. He would immediately direct me to injectable medication. He stated that no other lower dose oral treatments would work for my condition. This immediately took my by surprise since that was not the impression I got with the first doctor.

He also mentioned that if I had come to him first he would not have recommended a MRI due to my medical history and also physical activity history as an athlete. He was absolutely positive something happened to my hormones and hypothalamus when I lost 20 pounds in spring of 2012. And that for some reason by body did not readjust over time nor when I gained some of the weight back.

He stated that even if I did gain weight back there was no guarantee that my cycle would come back either which was one of my questions. He said he actually did research on this topic as a fellow. He saw several ballerinas bounce back with a cycle after being injured and not able to dance but soccer players and runner were hit or miss. Some gained a cycle back and some didn't after reducing their amount of exercise. This made me feel a little better about the lifestyle I had accustomed to with following a clean, mostly paleo diet and doing CrossFit which I had thought was healthy and good for my health.

After my meeting I knew I now had some thinking and consideration to do as there were risks, sacrifices, and lots of money involved in the treatments that were recommended.