In order to even get pregnant with our angel baby we had to go
through some fertility treatments which were obviously very successful as we
got pregnant on the first try. Now that we are in the position of healing and
determining what we want to do or need to do moving forward we went to meet
with that miracle doctor to get his thoughts. I had actually called the
doctor’s office a few days after the termination to let them know the news. The
doctor himself called me later that day to send his condolences and reassure me
if we needed him again for help he had no doubt I could get pregnant again
relatively quickly. He said come back and let’s talk when you are ready.
So we arrive for our consultation. It was eerie to be back in the
office once again with no baby in tow. Never did I think I would be back here
so soon. Of course I thought once I had the baby I’d go visit and then
potentially need to come back when we wanted to expand our family again but
never did I think I would be back less than 3 months later in a totally
different situation. We sit down with the doctor and he asks how we are doing,
we say fine. He then replies with some condolences and a phrase I never thought
I’d ever hear from a medical professional, “all you can say is f**k” in
reference to receiving the news that the baby had trisomy 13. He goes on to
explain there was nothing anyone could have done differently. It’s one of those
situations where all you can do is say f**k! (This totally reminded me of the
song "Totally F**ked" from Spring Awakening. If you haven't seen it
please add it to you list and then look up the song). He then asks how we are
doing. I explain I have been writing this blog and it has been a great release
and healing technique. We then told him that we decided to share the details
and actual story with the “world” although it might have been somewhat controversial.
He replied, “Controversial? What do you mean the baby had maybe days, hours to
live if it made it that far? The disorder is incompatible with life. That’s not controversial at all.” Hearing this, to be honest, was a breath of
fresh air. Although, many cannot even fathom what they would have done in our
situation we are satisfied with our decision. We have no regrets. We know this
was the best decision for us. We couldn’t control what cards we were dealt. It
does no good to ask why and dwell on the reality we were in. We had to keep
moving forward.
I always knew I choose this doctor for his honestly and straight
to the point answers but at that moment I knew he was the right choice to help
us get the family we desired so badly. He was straight forward and no
bull. He gave us some advice moving forward. I’m sure many are wondering when
we will start trying again to get pregnant and right now I don’t think I’m
going to share those journey details via my blog. I plan to continue to write
them but will delay publishing the post for some time. Maybe it’ll be once we
are pregnant again or maybe sooner I’m not quite sure yet. There is a lot of
unknown ahead of us and for now I think I’m going to keep the majority of it
private as it is a stressful and sensitive process. I will continue to write my
thoughts in the meantime. I have saved a lot of articles over the past few
months and have a lot of thoughts I’d like to share from my point of view. Stay
tuned!
